How to Come Out As Gay or Lesbian

You have realised your sexuality, and have accepted it, and now you have decided to come out of the closet. You may want to stop and think about whether you are doing the right thing by confiding in certain people at this point. The key is to know if you are ready, then choose the first people you tell for their potential as positive supporters, and then decide whether or not you would like some of your more casual acquaintances to know. If you are in a gay or lesbian relationship, your partner will be able to support you through this.


Steps
Realise that you’re making a brave choice, and you will be much happier in the long run than if you tried to hide it. Nothing is more important than being positive of your sexuality. Before expecting others to do so, Learn to accept yourself - if you are not comfortable with the idea of being publicly gay, bisexual or lesbian, think about it thoroughly. Not everyone is ready to let go of old prejudices, but by coming out and being a visible member of the community, you’re making a difference in creating social change and acceptance. Although others may initially feel uncomfortable or awkward with your disclosure, the happiest and most authentic life is only possible if you are open with those around you.

Be prepared. Consider your family, friends, co-workers, and community before opening up to any of them. Do any of these people show homophobic feelings, and would they respect your sexuality? It may take some time for others to come to terms with it and accept it, just the same as you did. Be reasonably sure that the first people you tell will be positive and supportive, and save coming out to other people until after you’ve had a little bit of practice in telling someone about it. It may help if you talk to or come out to other people that you know are gay. Your parents might be great about it, but they might not. If this is the case, realise that they are from a different generation and they may believe they have your best interest at heart.

Be prepared for questions they might ask. They might be afraid of how people will treat you, or that you’ll never be able to have children - these are all very real concerns to them, so treat them seriously. If they are religious, you may want to find some material ahead of time to share with them that expresses a positive view. It may help to refer them to a religious leader that reflects a positive and healthy view of lesbian and gay relationships.
If you are in a situation where you believe you could be disowned or even outlawed, wait until you are safe and independent before you decide to come out.
Choose the first person you come out to wisely. A close friend or relative that you trust is a brilliant start, one whom you feel is likely to support you. Discuss your sexuality with the people closest to you before making it commonly known. It is very important that you do not ambush them! They may feel confused or even angry if you do. Instead, tell them that you have something important to share with them, and that you have been thinking it over for a long time. Explain that you have realised you are different from others, but until recently, didn’t really connect the dots as to why. By saying this, they will understand that you didn’t keep it from them; you were simply trying to figure it out before saying anything to anyone.
Start coming out to more casual friends as you become more confident in your identity. Understand that it is not necessary to tell everyone at one time; everyone reacts differently, so tell each person separately at an appropriate time, when you have privacy and sufficient time to discuss it. As before, if you are in a situation where you believe you could be disowned or even outlawed, wait until you are safe and independent before you decide to come out. If you are comfortable with your casual acquaintances knowing, then the sooner the better. When people know who you are from the start, they are more willing to simply accept you as you are. It becomes harder to tell people after you’ve known them for a while, because they have formed an idea of who you are in their own heads without knowing properly.
Choose the method of coming out wisely. You might want to tell someone during a serious face-to-face conversation, or slip it in casually to show that you have accepted it and are comfortable with the idea. If you want to make it a determined conversation, take a deep breath and say it. Practise it alone first if you wish, but simply say it in a direct, forthright way.
If you don’t want to make a big deal out of it, try to interject it into the conversation. The less of an issue it is to you, the more relaxed people will be when you tell them. - there won’t be that big overreaction you fear if you are calm when you reveal your orientation.
Prepare a response to people hitting on you. If someone is flirting with you, you need to answer as you feel appropriate. In an environment where you may not want to divulge your sexual orientation you might say: “Thank you but I’m involved with someone”.

If you do wish to be totally open, you can say something along the lines of: “Thank you, but I’m already taken. My partner and I have been together exclusively for…” or “I’m flattered, but I’m gay/lesbian/straight” or “Thank you, but I don’t date men/women”.

Be proud of who you are! Hold your head up high and don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed. Don’t apologise or allow yourself to feel ashamed of it to anyone when you tell them the truth about yourself. Learn to not care too much what people say or do; allowing anyone to take a position that has you apologising or feeling bad about your sexuality will only reinforce any negative preconceptions they have. Instead, be positive and firm in that happy outlook so that anyone who seems disappointed or sad about it will know that you are fine and happy. This is really important to show to those who love you - we all have a hard time imagining that anyone could be happy doing things that we ourselves might not be interested in doing; just as people who are happy rock climbing have a hard time understanding people who are happy sleeping in a hammock on their days off, straight people have a hard time understanding how a gay person can be happy. All you need to do is to assure them that you are.
Be wise. Depending on your environment, you may come across extremes of inacceptance; it is important that you are prepared for potentially difficult times. Make sure that you are safe and ready before you take the leap. The whole community does not need to know unless you are comfortable in being totally out, and are safe and independent enough to do so. Unfortunately, you may be in a situation where you are dependent on someone or something that might potentially change if you come out; in a situation like this, you may need to change what it is you are dependent on before you come out. This may mean waiting until you have a home of your own, or in an area of safety where you do not run the risk of being outlawed or disowned.

Tips
Have patience. Remember that you yourself took time to get used to your sexuality, so others may need time to get used to the idea too. Be moderate - it is okay to find pride within yourself, but don’t push your views or beliefs on others. Some people may struggle to accept it, but make sure they respect you. If someone shows any disrespect, sometimes it is best to just ignore it.

Show some pride symbols if you can - the six-coloured rainbow and the upside down lavender triangle. Perhaps try wearing a rainbow necklace or bracelet or a sweatband. Try to make friends with new people - gay or straight; sometimes they can be very understanding and help you to get through this if it becomes a rough patch in your life. Use the Internet to network and meet other gay people for support if you don’t have an real life support network yet, don’t worry, you will! Don’t take it personally if people ask you questions about it - see it as your opportunity to be a good liaison for the LGBT community.




Warnings
Coming out to the whole community is sometimes not ideal. Make sure that you are safe, and not breaking the law in being homosexual or in a homosexual relationship.
Keep your safety in mind when choosing when and how to come out. If you live in a very conservative place, you may want to seek out other members of the gay community first to learn about their experiences. It’s not worth getting hurt over. If you are suffering from harassment at school or the workplace, don’t be afraid to ask for help from authority figures.
Keep a close eye on your relationships with friends, family and acquaintances, and note any changes in their behaviour toward you. If you sense discomfort or awkwardness, give them time. If it doesn’t pass, address it with them as soon as you’re able to.
Avoid gossip! People may not feel like they can trust you if they have to hear it through the grapevine. If your decision will have a definite effect on certain people in your life, tell those people first. A good example: your girlfriend or boyfriend. If you’ve been dating a straight boy or girl, you need to let him or her know first. Don’t keep stringing them along, it makes them feel foolish and it wastes their time, which is not fair of you.
The possibility of having negative encounters will be higher after you come out, but be strong, and remember that you do not need to be accepted by anyone but yourself!
Don’t bother to retaliate to people who say things like “you will go to hell“. It is best to reply with something like: “I appreciate your concern, but I feel comfortable with who I am and I’m sorry that you feel that way”, and to walk away from that person. It’s not worth the stress.

How to Accept That You Are Gay

If you feel attracted to members of the same sex, or both sexes, but need to feel like you have accepted it within yourself, here is a guide to help you. You have found out your sexual orientation, and you are perfectly normal. Accepting who you are - and being proud of who you are - is the next step on the road to coming out of the closet, and eventually to having a successful gay or lesbian relationship. Some people have difficulty in accepting their sexual orientation, either because of personal or societal discomfort or pressure. Most people in the LGBT community know from experience that accepting your sexuality will lead to your becoming a happier, more open person.

In this guide, the term gay has been used to include all forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, whether that be people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or pansexual.

Steps

Know if you are Gay. Sometimes people question their sexuality. There are many degrees of sexual orientation, and if you find you don’t fit easily into one category, perhaps you are bisexual. Don’t allow yourself to be labelled until, or unless, you are ready and willing to be. If you feel that you don’t fit, or you can’t understand why you aren’t like other people in your life because you are different, remember that you are you, and not anyone else; and that being yourself and accepting yourself for the person that you are is something to be immensely proud of.


Remember that you didn’t choose to be attracted to members of the same sex, and that attempts to change your orientation are usually painful and pointless in the end.[1] When talking with heterosexual friends or family members, it’s sometimes tough to help them understand this, because they have no frame of reference for your experience. Try to encourage others to see your sexual orientation in the same way as they see your eye colour - it is something you were born with and did not choose. It is something that is simply a part of your being, and not something you can change. There isn’t any need to - being gay is just another way of being, and there is nothing wrong with it at all, neither is there anything wrong with you for being gay.

Some people in the world believe that your sexual orientation is a choice. If this is true for you, especially if you feel attracted to both genders, you might want to evaluate your choices. Leading a gay lifestyle can be a challenging choice in many societies throughout the globe. If you feel that you made a choice, you should feel comfortable with that choice. Everyone has their own battles and choices to make, and the norms of societies may not necessarily be normal for you. If you do feel that you want to make the choice to accept your sexuality, it would be best to find friends and loved ones to support you, but do not feel - or let yourself be - pressured into believing that you should “change your ways”. If anyone tries to force an opinion on you that you do not agree with, such that your desires themselves are unnatural, sinful or symptoms of a mental disorder, look elsewhere for support. There is no evidence that “helping homosexuals to become heterosexual” is possible, and treatments to “change” sexual orientation that were common in the 1960s and 1970s were very damaging to those patients who underwent them and affected no change in their sexual orientation.[2]


Develop and express your individuality - if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, whatever it may be, then be proud of it - you are the one and only you. Understand that a person who is gay is no different from any other person. Like everyone else, gay people have dreams and goals, and want companionship and love just like anyone else you know. Strive every day to be the best person you can be, and remind yourself of the positive qualities and attributes that make you uniquely who you are.

Tell yourself that for people to accept you, first you must accept yourself. If you can’t accept your sexual orientation and feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, then other people find it harder to accept you fully. It’s your right to love; no one has the right to tell you otherwise. Tell yourself: “I am a person with feelings and intellect and a life, just like everyone else. I am unique and individual, and no one has the right to choose my life for me. The fact that I am gay is just another facet of who I am, just as being creative, or optimistic, or having brown eyes is. I may not be like many of my friends, but I choose to live my life authentically and happily. It’s my life, and I choose to be happy”.
Remember that you are not alone. There are many, many gay people in all sorts of communities, and there are many people there for you when you need support. There may be agencies, groups, advisers, family members and friends that you can turn to, even if it is just someone to inform of your feelings. Find a group or a hangout where you feel comfortable, and where there will be other gay people to talk with. Make some new friends, and by doing so, you will establish a new network of supportive and encouraging people around yourself.

Show people who you are. Coming out of the closet is the boldest step in accepting your sexual orientation, but now that you are able to live “out”, it does not mean that you have to change who you are or what you like. Don’t go trying to change yourself or wishing that you were like the other people in your life to cater to the comfort levels of others - there are over 6,500 million of us, and you can’t please everyone - and those who care about you will still love you for who you are. If someone can’t accept the one small facet of who you are that is your sexuality, and can’t still respect you for the person that you are, then they aren’t worth your time or letting it bother you, because its not your fault that that person can’t accept it.



Tips
Be selective. The entire world does not need to know about your sexual orientation. It is not necessary to broadcast who you are, and no one should make you, if you find that telling everyone makes you uncomfortable. Know that, while you want and deserve to live an authentic life, it may not be a good idea to expose yourself to narrow-minded people who may offend you.
Don’t come out to a particular person if it doesn’t feel right to you. This is a good rule to follow in general - there could be many reasons why, but if it doesn’t “feel right” then it is probably not the right time to come out to that person. The time to tell them may be later, or never. What is most important is that you come out to yourself. Once you are at ease with your own sexual orientation and have a healthy self-image, the when and how of coming out often fall into place naturally.
Don’t worry about what others think; what is important is that you are true to yourself and considerate of others - that doesn’t mean you need to cater to the sensibilities of others. If a friend or a member of your family is having trouble coming to terms with your orientation, you may have to give them time and be patient, or in the long term face the end of that friendship.
If you are in a relationship, refrain from using the word “room-mate” or words to that effect to describe your partner. And don’t let your loved ones get away with that, either - if you allow them to pretend by introducing your partner as your “friend” or “room-mate,” then you’re allowing them to put a mask on you and your partner, both. Don’t get nasty about it, just correct them gently, for example:
“Well, yes we do live together. Auntie Joan, David is my partner” or “Auntie Joan, I noticed that Jo was introducing you to my girlfriend, Andrea. We dated for a couple of months before moving in together, and we’ve been together about a year now. I’m so glad you finally get to meet her… Andi, come here, sweetie, and meet my Aunt Joan”.Once your family get the idea that you aren’t about to sit back and let them believe that you and David are “just room-mates”, or that you and Andi are “just really good friends”, they will stop attempting to put a mask on your relationship and be more open, too.
Remember that being gay does not require you to conform to typical gay stereotypes. Most people who are gay are indistinguishable from those that aren’t, share the same interests, goals and dreams for their lives. Being a homosexual person does not necessarily make you any less masculine or feminine, and there is no need or pressure to conform to stereotypes that don’t feel right to you - because you are who you are.


Warnings
Use good judgement. Sadly, not everyone in the world is a modern, accepting person. Don’t broadcast this information to your entire community if - for example - you live in a small town or an extremely conservative area and you are likely to be harmed - physically or emotionally.
If it is very likely that your coming out will have a bad outcome, then don’t. As long as you know who you are, that’s plenty for the short term. In the end, your sexual orientation is your business. Eventually, people may figure it out, and you will need to decide whether to stay in that situation or move on to a place that is more accepting.
If you are still being supported by parents whom you are quite sure would disown you for being gay, it may be prudent to wait to tell them until you are independent. It may be vital for your survival to hold off on coming out until, for example, you have graduated high school or college, or you have moved into a place of your own.
You may regret the acceptance of your orientation in the future, especially if you’re in a part of the world where the homosexual, bisexual and transgender communities are prosecuted by a specific culture. You may have a choice in changing your lifestyle; that is, perhaps you feel you need to live under the guise of being heterosexual for your own safety, and perhaps even your own personal happiness. It is not always easy to remain accepting of your orientation depending on where you live, and the views of the people who are most important to you. There are non-profit organizations that exists to both support you in your acceptance, and also in case you would want to try and lead a heterosexual lifestyle, although you can never change your orientation. Although, it is important to note that the American Psychological Association has declared that groups claiming to cure homosexuality are dangerous and unhealthy. It is very mentally and physically unhealthy to suppress your feelings and your true self. It is up to you to decide what’s best for your life.

How to Be Yourself

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde

It’s quite possibly the most commonly used phrase in the history of advice: Be yourself. But it’s such a vague adage. What do they really mean when they tell you to be yourself? And is it really as easy as it sounds?

Steps
Find yourself. You can’t be yourself if you don’t know, understand, and accept yourself first. Try to take time to yourself and contemplate on your life and choices. Try and think about what kind of things you would or wouldn’t like to do and do them - finding out through trial and error helps more than you would think it does. You can even take personality tests - though take what you want from them and don’t let them define you. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you’ve made - they’re done and its in the past so there is no use crying over spilled milk.
Stop caring about how people perceive you. The fact is, it really doesn’t matter. It’s impossible to be yourself when you’re caught up in wondering “Do they think I’m funny? Does she think I’m fat? Do they think I’m stupid?” To be yourself, you’ve got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter—not their consideration of you. Besides, if you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you and then you’d be going around in a vicious cycle to please people. It’s totally pointless in the end - though if someone you trust and respect critiques aspects of who you are, feel free to judge (honestly) whether or not it is accurate instead of shutting the critique down automatically or accepting it indefinitely.
Be honest and open. What have you got to hide? You’re an imperfect, growing, learning human being. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself—and you feel you have to hide those parts of you, whether physically or emotionally—then you have to come to terms with that and learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks. Be honest to yourself but don’t beat yourself up - apply this philosophy to others as well. There is a difference between being an ass and being honest - learn to watch the way you say things to yourselves and others when being honest.

Relax. Stop worrying about the worst that could happen, especially in social situations. So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Learn to laugh at yourself both when it happens and afterwards. Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you’re not perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too. Its also a turn on to guys and girls when someone is able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously!

Develop and express your individuality. Whether it’s your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, then be proud of it… unless its destructive to yourself or others. Be a character, not a type.
Have a Productive Day. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and that some days, you’re the statue. People might raise eyebrows and even make fun, but as long as you can shrug and say “Hey, that’s just me” and leave it at that, people will ultimately respect you for it, and you’ll respect yourself.
Believe in who you are. If you’re always working to be someone you’re not, you’ll never be a happy person. Be yourself and show the world you’re proud of the way you are! Nobody knows you better than you and that’s how it should be. You deserve to be your own best friend so start trying to figure out HOW you can do that - if you had to hang out with yourself for a day, what is the funnest type of person you could be, while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point. Yea and don’t forget that being yourself and honesty is the best policy! :-)


Tips
There’s a difference between being yourself and being rude. You might have your opinions, dreams, and preferences, but so does everybody else. You don’t have to disrespect people who disagree with you in order to be yourself; they’re not you.
If fads or trends strike your fancy, don’t avoid them! Being yourself is all about reflecting who you are inside in what you do, and what you like is what you like, no matter how trendy it is (or not trendy, for that matter)!
As the famous song goes, “Life’s not worth a damn until you can say, I am what I am” - when you can sincerely say it, you will know that you can be yourself.
If you don’t agree on what people express as an opinion you don’t need to argue their point or be rude about it, and don’t just act like you agree either because then you would be acting falsely.
Even if you are interested in something that most people aren’t interested in don’t be afraid or hide it, stand up and show your true inner self. People will know how confident you are.
Don’t worry about anything but being yourself and living life to the fullest!
These tips can be internalized and appreciated by learning to give maximum priority to 1. What you like maximally 2. What satisfies you for maximum time and 3. What can be shared with maximum people. This process goes on simultaneously with your blossoming which also goes on continuously [Cf: Namasmaran: Dr. Shriniwas Kashalikar]!


Warnings
Just because you don’t care about how people perceive you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be aware of it, especially in situations where being yourself might be misinterpreted. For example, you might enjoy being friendly and flirtatious, but in some cultures, that might be perceived as a sexual invitation, and you could get yourself in trouble.
Don’t lose yourself when you’re with other friends. Be yourself. Don’t be someone else so other people will like you because, in the end, you end up hurting other people and losing yourself.
Don’t think that being yourself means that you cannot change who you are. You want to be a person that you can be proud of, so if there is some way you can improve yourself, go for it. Don’t allow your shortcomings to discourage you, but don’t ignore them either.
Make sure that you can show the same “you” to everyone consistently. If you feel the need to be secretive about something wrong you’ve done, you are not really being yourself; it will show and misunderstandings will occur. Do what’s right. You cannot truly be yourself unless you can face yourself.
Keep in mind that ‘being yourself’ is not always the right thing to do. Would you tell a despicable person to just be himself and not change a thing? No. Most of the time when people in general perceive you a certain way, it means you don’t fit in to your society. Whether you WANT to fit in or not is up to you, but you are only setting yourself up for trouble when you neglect society’s ways. (That is, unless you decide to live in a cave for the rest of your life.)
That said, obviously nobody is perfect. However, if you are outrageously flawed (for example, have a short temper) then you should look into some self-improvement rather than ignoring everyone’s cues and ‘being yourself.’ Don’t deny yourself of the truth by saying it’s everyone else’s problem and not yours. You’ll only be hurting yourself in the long run.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde

It’s quite possibly the most commonly used phrase in the history of advice: Be yourself. But it’s such a vague adage. What do they really mean when they tell you to be yourself? And is it really as easy as it sounds?

Steps
Find yourself. You can’t be yourself if you don’t know, understand, and accept yourself first. Try to take time to yourself and contemplate on your life and choices. Try and think about what kind of things you would or wouldn’t like to do and do them - finding out through trial and error helps more than you would think it does. You can even take personality tests - though take what you want from them and don’t let them define you. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you’ve made - they’re done and its in the past so there is no use crying over spilled milk.
Stop caring about how people perceive you. The fact is, it really doesn’t matter. It’s impossible to be yourself when you’re caught up in wondering “Do they think I’m funny? Does she think I’m fat? Do they think I’m stupid?” To be yourself, you’ve got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter—not their consideration of you. Besides, if you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you and then you’d be going around in a vicious cycle to please people. It’s totally pointless in the end - though if someone you trust and respect critiques aspects of who you are, feel free to judge (honestly) whether or not it is accurate instead of shutting the critique down automatically or accepting it indefinitely.
Be honest and open. What have you got to hide? You’re an imperfect, growing, learning human being. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself—and you feel you have to hide those parts of you, whether physically or emotionally—then you have to come to terms with that and learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks. Be honest to yourself but don’t beat yourself up - apply this philosophy to others as well. There is a difference between being an ass and being honest - learn to watch the way you say things to yourselves and others when being honest.

Relax. Stop worrying about the worst that could happen, especially in social situations. So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Learn to laugh at yourself both when it happens and afterwards. Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you’re not perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too. Its also a turn on to guys and girls when someone is able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously!

Develop and express your individuality. Whether it’s your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, then be proud of it… unless its destructive to yourself or others. Be a character, not a type.
Have a Productive Day. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and that some days, you’re the statue. People might raise eyebrows and even make fun, but as long as you can shrug and say “Hey, that’s just me” and leave it at that, people will ultimately respect you for it, and you’ll respect yourself.
Believe in who you are. If you’re always working to be someone you’re not, you’ll never be a happy person. Be yourself and show the world you’re proud of the way you are! Nobody knows you better than you and that’s how it should be. You deserve to be your own best friend so start trying to figure out HOW you can do that - if you had to hang out with yourself for a day, what is the funnest type of person you could be, while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point. Yea and don’t forget that being yourself and honesty is the best policy! :-)


Tips
There’s a difference between being yourself and being rude. You might have your opinions, dreams, and preferences, but so does everybody else. You don’t have to disrespect people who disagree with you in order to be yourself; they’re not you.
If fads or trends strike your fancy, don’t avoid them! Being yourself is all about reflecting who you are inside in what you do, and what you like is what you like, no matter how trendy it is (or not trendy, for that matter)!
As the famous song goes, “Life’s not worth a damn until you can say, I am what I am” - when you can sincerely say it, you will know that you can be yourself.
If you don’t agree on what people express as an opinion you don’t need to argue their point or be rude about it, and don’t just act like you agree either because then you would be acting falsely.
Even if you are interested in something that most people aren’t interested in don’t be afraid or hide it, stand up and show your true inner self. People will know how confident you are.
Don’t worry about anything but being yourself and living life to the fullest!
These tips can be internalized and appreciated by learning to give maximum priority to 1. What you like maximally 2. What satisfies you for maximum time and 3. What can be shared with maximum people. This process goes on simultaneously with your blossoming which also goes on continuously [Cf: Namasmaran: Dr. Shriniwas Kashalikar]!


Warnings
Just because you don’t care about how people perceive you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be aware of it, especially in situations where being yourself might be misinterpreted. For example, you might enjoy being friendly and flirtatious, but in some cultures, that might be perceived as a sexual invitation, and you could get yourself in trouble.
Don’t lose yourself when you’re with other friends. Be yourself. Don’t be someone else so other people will like you because, in the end, you end up hurting other people and losing yourself.
Don’t think that being yourself means that you cannot change who you are. You want to be a person that you can be proud of, so if there is some way you can improve yourself, go for it. Don’t allow your shortcomings to discourage you, but don’t ignore them either.
Make sure that you can show the same “you” to everyone consistently. If you feel the need to be secretive about something wrong you’ve done, you are not really being yourself; it will show and misunderstandings will occur. Do what’s right. You cannot truly be yourself unless you can face yourself.
Keep in mind that ‘being yourself’ is not always the right thing to do. Would you tell a despicable person to just be himself and not change a thing? No. Most of the time when people in general perceive you a certain way, it means you don’t fit in to your society. Whether you WANT to fit in or not is up to you, but you are only setting yourself up for trouble when you neglect society’s ways. (That is, unless you decide to live in a cave for the rest of your life.)
That said, obviously nobody is perfect. However, if you are outrageously flawed (for example, have a short temper) then you should look into some self-improvement rather than ignoring everyone’s cues and ‘being yourself.’ Don’t deny yourself of the truth by saying it’s everyone else’s problem and not yours. You’ll only be hurting yourself in the long run.